Dearest Mother, Part I
How are you? Well enough about you, on to me. You wouldn't believe the night I have had! There I was minding my own business (ok, so I had found a box of chocolates and was making a pig of myself) when I was approached by a small, deshevilled man holding the keys (I think they are called reins) to a rather scruffy and furry a** (ok mother, a donkey). It seems I was to take this animal and follow this self-titled "guide" and a few other travellers towards the cave. The Ferry Woman were on strike, I had no choice. As I considered the best approach to get myself up in the saddle I was handed a brown cloth satchel and was told it contained specktacles and other articles that would assist me on my trip.
I stalled as long as I could, then I swallowed my pride and boarded the hairy creature and we set off on our journey. I spent the next half hour trying to get my bottom to adjust to the unrhythimic motion of the aforementioned herbavour when suddenly a wild band of hoodlums swooped down on our party sending us flying in all directions (yes mother, donkeys can run with sufficient motivation).
I spent the better part of the next two hours searching for my travelling companions to no avail. At last I was forced to give up when my hairy companion "Dirk" (oh sure, in his dreams "Dirk" -- he looked more like a"Dork") wailed and promptly sat down in a stream we just happened to be crossing at the time.
While I sat on the bank, wringing out my soaking wet footware and cussing at my misfortunate circumstances, I spied the brown cloth satchel given to me by my missing guide. As I poured out the contents of the satchel onto the ground I realized I couldn't see a blasted thing. I remembered the specktacles and tried them on in hope they would help me see the rest of the items. The candlestick looked useful (it was getting dark) and of course the map would come in handy, but what in blazes was I suppose to do with with a tiny anchor (well, ok, I knew what I would have done with the anchor if it had been larger... but I digress) a medallion, a set of wing, and another item I couldn't quite make out at the time.........
tomorrow....dear mother, part II